


I Hate Eggs

by erentitanjaeger



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, aruwin, ereri, erumin - Freeform, mainly ereri, riren - Freeform, slight erumin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-14
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 07:53:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erentitanjaeger/pseuds/erentitanjaeger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This myth that you need to have a date on Valentine’s Day to be worth something is arrogant and rude and obnoxious and frankly, really a waste of time.  If you do have someone special, shouldn’t you treat every day like it’s Valentine’s day?  Like it’s the first day you’ve met and you’re still learning everything about each other?  Like you would choose them over and over again and it doesn’t matter who else comes into the frame because you know it’s them, it will always be them and you don’t need to fool around to think otherwise!<br/>Not that I’m speaking from personal experience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Date

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!
> 
> Despite the fact that I've never spent this holiday with anyone I still love the idea of it. I've had this idea swimming around in my head for a while and was so happy I got the chance to write it out for all you special people who need a bit of ereri love on this special day!

_Eren_

There are a lot of stupid ideas in this world.  Religion, for one thing.  But going into that is like going into a wolf’s den wearing a Lady Gaga-like suit of meat.  What about vending machines?  Cruel bastards that take your money and, half the time, don’t even reward you with the over-priced bag of chips anyway.  Then there’s high school.  After having survived seven years of regular school that seemed hard enough, you’re thrown into the lion’s den with girls who think too highly of themselves and guys who take out their newly-found sexual frustration on those who haven’t had the luxury of hitting puberty yet.

Glad I crossed that mile stone.

Long movies.  I miss the good old days when I sat down in a movie theatre and could enjoy a simple story-line for ninety minutes, and walk out in the middle of the credits.  But now movies can be two or even three hours long, making it incredibly awkward, and painful, to sit through if you finish your coke half way through then are busting to go when the film still has an hour left of absolute bullshit.

Another severely bad idea: eggs.  Who had the idea of picking up what comes out of a chicken’s ass, cooking it up and deeming it a high source of protein?  Raw or cooked.  I hate eggs. 

But none of these even compare to the idea of blind dates.  First dates are awkward enough, when you’re not sure if you actually like the person, then have to try and find all their good qualities in that first hour, along with making yourself seem like you’re totally worth their time.  But throwing in the fact that you have no idea who they are when you show up to the restaurant or when they knock at your door?  That just seems like a disaster waiting to happen.

“But it wouldn’t even be a blind date!  Not really!  Erwin knows him!” Armin was clinging to my arm, wrinkling my suit sleeve and begging me for what felt like the trillionth time to accompany him and his new crush on a Valentine’s Day bonanza of a good time.  I think not.

“Armin!  I don’t know who this guy is, what he looks like, or his name!  I don’t even know Erwin that well.  That sounds like a blind date to me!”

For almost a year now, Armin had been dancing around the idea of asking one of the department directors (not ours, thank God) out on a date.  I kept telling him to go for it.  To take a chance, jump his bones, all that good stuff.  But Armin had kept making excuses; ‘I don’t know him well enough’, ‘he probably has a boyfriend’, ‘he probably isn’t even interested in guys’.  Which, taking one look at the man myself, I could deem was entirely not true at all. 

Miracle of all miracles, Erwin ended up asking Armin out to a valentine’s dinner, only to cancel the next day due to forgetting that he already had plans with his friend who was single and lonely and couldn’t handle being alone for the holiday.  So Armin, idiot that he is, suggested a double date with his own single and lonely friend who also couldn’t handle being alone for the holiday.

Which, again, entirely not true. 

I was very much looking forward to spending Valentine’s day alone, in nothing but my underwear, a bowl of popcorn on my lap and an abundance of horror games at my disposal, shooting zombies in the head and avoiding the whistle that would only mean my character’s doom.  Armin, however, had other plans for me, and I was using everything I had to get out of them.

This myth that you need to have a date on Valentine’s Day to be worth something is arrogant and rude and obnoxious and frankly, really a waste of time.  If you do have someone special, shouldn’t you treat every day like it’s Valentine’s day?  Like it’s the first day you’ve met and you’re still learning everything about each other?  Like you would choose them over and over again and it doesn’t matter who else comes into the frame because you know it’s them, it will always be them and you don’t need to fool around to think otherwise!

Not that I’m speaking from personal experience.

“Please, Eren!  I’ll never ask you for anything ever again!”

“That’s a lie if ever I heard it.”

“Erwin and I can’t have our date unless I bring someone!”

“So take Jean!  He needs to get laid anyway.”

“Jean has plans.”

“That horse-face bastard has a date!?  How much did he pay them?”  I was chuckling at my joke as I poured the rest of my coffee down the break-room sink, looking over at the box of donuts and trying to decide whether it was worth the risk trying to find one that wasn’t from the day before.  “Why don’t you just reschedule your date for another night?  Why does it _have_ to be Valentine’s Day?”

“Because that’s the only night Erwin is free!  He got the night off for his friend but now he has a chance to spend it with me.  He goes out of town for two weeks afterwards and by the time he gets back he’ll have forgotten all about me and will have his eyes on some other blonde bimbo!”

Armin’s face was red as he finished.

“You’re not a bimbo, Armin, far from it.  And if he changes his mind so easily, why do you even want to go out with him in the first place?”

“He likes Sylvia Plath!”

I groaned.  Armin grew an instant fixation with any guy who knew the name of any of the old-fashioned authors he was obsessed with.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and worse yet, that I was considering agreeing to it.  Armin was still my friend, as much as I didn’t want him to be at this moment, and I did honestly want him to have his date.  I had grown sick of watching him pine after that broad-shouldered Englishman for all those months, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to enjoy Valentine’s Day like I had wanted if I knew I was the reason Armin wasn’t enjoying the holiday like he wanted.

“You should go on a date, Eren!  It’ll be good for you!”

Ah.  The ‘motherly’ approach.  Changing tactics, Armin?  Sorting your eggs into a different basket?  I hate eggs.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed!” He had his hands on his hips and was giving an expression that told me I was about to be reminded heavily of my mother when she pulled my ears because I hadn’t called her in two weeks.  “You haven’t had a single relationship since _him._ ”

I immediately flinched.  I couldn’t believe, of all the tactics Armin was trying, he chose to bring up the one reason I certainly didn’t want to go out on this stupid date.  Now I had flashes of dark hair, dark eyes and pale skin.  Of dark clothes, dark rooms but light touches and a teasing tongue.  I had flashes of warm fingers, a smooth voice, and a heavily beating heart that certainly wasn’t my own.  I flinched again.

“I’ve had relationships!” I argued.  “Remember that chick who likes to eat bread a lot?  She was fun!”

“I meant a long-term relationship!  You haven’t wanted to commit since you and _him_ broke up.”

“He left me, Armin.  He didn’t want to be with me, so he left me.”  My face was solid and my voice cold as I spoke, wanting this topic to be done with completely.  “You don’t just get over that.”

“It’s been a year,” Armin had grown cautious, realising how much the thought of _him_ still bothered me.  “I’m not asking that you marry this guy!  You’re basically keeping him company for the night while Erwin and I have our own date.  Then if you never see him again, that’s your call.”

I let out a heavy sigh, wanting nothing more than to walk out of the room as my final answer.  But I had nowhere to go as lunch wasn’t over for another fifteen minutes and as much as I hated it; Armin was right.  My fear of dating had only grown since the break-up, and now I tended to end things around the three week mark.  Just long enough to get a few frolics in the bedroom in but not quite long enough to make things official.

“Fine,” I spat out through gritted teeth.

“Really!?” Armin was beside himself as he thanked me profusely, saying he would owe me big and that he’d get the details to me by the end of the day.  I glared at his back as he went off to tell his new soon-to-be boyfriend, hoping his suit would burst into flames.  Not enough to kill him.  Just enough so he wouldn’t be able to move come February 14.

But, alas, February 14 has come and Armin is as fair skinned as ever.  Even more so as I imagine he’d have been taking care of his skin to a ridiculous level, hoping it would pay off tonight as him and Erwin did whatever him and Erwin planned to do.  I didn’t really like thinking about my best friend in that way.  It was like thinking of your brother that way.

“Eren.  I think they’ve stood us up,” Armin’s voice was solemn as he continued to glance over all the passing faces, hoping a familiar one would come into view shortly.  I scoffed, reaching up to ruffle his smooth strands.  I wanted to ask if Armin had dyed his hair even blonder than usual or if it was just the restaurant light that was making it look so golden.

“Armin.  It’s six-thirty.  We were supposed to meet them at seven.  We got here an hour earlier because you wanted, and I quote, ‘to see Erwin’s hair start to glow under the light of the chandelier as he enters the dimly lit restaurant, approaching me at a smooth but brisk pace, eager for what is to come.’” Armin’s cheeks grew pink as he finally realised how utterly mortifying it was hearing that come from someone’s lips.  “Seriously, boy?  Lay off the Sylva Plath and pick up a porno every once and a while.”

I ate another breadstick as Armin took his mind off things by berating me for not combing my hair for the evening.

In truth, I felt just as nervous as Armin looked.  The more I thought about it over the past week, the more excited I became for this blind date.  True, I didn’t know anything about him, but maybe that was a good thing.  I would be surprised.  I would have a clean slate.  I would have to learn everything about him from scratch, and in an environment that was already oozing with romance, falling for him couldn’t be too hard if he was a decent guy.  The thought of a date going well for me had my stomach churning, and the fact that Armin would be here as some sort of helping hand only made me feel better about the whole situation.

“You’re here early!” Both of us glanced over in unison to see Armin’s dream scene come to life as Erwin entered the restaurant, handing his coat over to the service and then approaching our table.  He certainly looked happy enough to be here.  I rolled my eyes at the smile he gave Armin, patting his shoulder as he took his seat across from us.  “I was hoping to arrive first and open a bottle of wine while we waited for you.  I guess you beat me to it.  You must be Eren.”

I snapped out of whatever day dream I had been having, looking over to see a strong hand reaching towards me.  I swallowed the rest of my breadstick before reaching over and shaking it.

“I’m Erwin Smith.”

Well, duh.  I could feel Armin’s excitement radiating off him as he buzzed in the seat next to me, his blue eyes completely attached to Erwin’s face and I bet that was where they would remain for the rest of the night.

“Wasn’t there supposed to be two of you?” I asked, noticing nobody had followed him in.  Armin’s foot kicked me under the table, my apparent rudeness causing his motherly instincts to come back out.  I hissed at him.  Erwin only chuckled before answering in that English accent he used to win all the hearts.  At least now I could understand why Armin was so smitten.

“He’s parking the car.  He doesn’t trust the valet to do it without scratching the paint.”

He sounds obnoxious.  I took another breadstick, leaning back on the back legs of my chair and nibbling at it away while I waited for another person to join us so I wouldn’t have to listen to Armin’s giggles anymore.  The two of them had already engrossed themselves in a heated discussion about the best authors of the eighteenth century, their voices rising and falling as they recounted their favourite tales to each other.

_“You’re going to break your neck doing that.”_

My entire world took a ninety degree turn as the entirety of my weight threw me back and landed me on the floor.  There was a crash as I kicked the table in the process, the clattering of glasses falling to its surface and the centrepiece leaving the centre in favour of its own place on the floor.  My head was throbbing as I tried to right myself, coughing and spluttering, trying to get the crumbs of the breadstick out of the back of my throat.

More visions filled my mind; flashes of thin lips and a crooked smirk, white teeth, a pierced tongue, all of it sinfully raining warmth down upon my own mouth, the lips opening to let out a string of deep laughter, its owner continuing to speak and telling me all the things I so desperately wanted to hear.

_“That was graceful.”_

I looked up, and felt my entire world spinning again as I laid eyes on my ex for the first time in over a year.    He was looking down at me with amusement, a small smile gracing those perfect lips, his hair combed back, a few strands escaping the style.  He had left them there to try and hide his forehead, which he had always been unexplainably self-conscious of.  His hand came down to take a hold of my shoulder and I was pulled to my feet like a rag doll.

“What the fuck are you doing here!?” I found my voice, spitting rage at the man and shoving his arm off me all at once.

“I was invited.”  His voice was smooth, calm, cool, as if seeing me didn’t faze him in the least.  It probably didn’t.  He could probably care less that this was the first time he had spoken to me in months.  I bet he didn’t have all the memories of our times together burning the backs of his eyelids every time he blinked, making him want to run and hide and throw up.  Well I certainly did!

“You were _what?_ ”  I glared angrily as he made his way around me, taking the seat next to Erwin.

Then it dawned on me.  Erwin’s friend who was ‘single and lonely and couldn’t handle being alone for the holiday’.  The obnoxious way he wouldn’t let people do their job.  Armin’s constant insistence that I accompany him for evening. 

Levi was now my Valentine’s date.

“I was _invited,_ ” Levi clarified unnecessarily.  “Now shall I pour you a glass of mine, or is it your turn to be the gentleman?”

He was still smirking at me.  His eyes narrowed, the dark circles under them not hiding the lines that were creased, telling me he was trying very hard not to laugh in my face at this whole ordeal.

“Armin.  A moment, please?” I didn’t wait for an answer, grabbing the collar of his dress shirt and pulling him out of the chair and towards the men’s room, leaving Erwin and Levi to clean up the mess I had made due to the surprise of a lifetime. 

Once inside the ceramic tiled walls, I flung Armin against the sinks, my fist still curling in his collar as I glared daggers at his petrified face.

“You want to explain yourself to me?” My breath was heavy and my face was hot, my hair was a mess from when I had fallen and my skull was still throbbing under the brunette strands.

“I swear, Eren, I didn’t know!” His thin fingers were grasping my fist, trying to loosen my hold.  “Erwin made his friend seem slightly immature and like a bit of a smart-mouth.  Not at all like Levi!  I never would’ve guessed!”

I thrusted Armin away from me, grasping the edges of one of the sink basins and growled my escaping anger towards the faucet.  Of course Armin never would have guessed, because Armin didn’t know Levi like I knew Levi.  On the surface, he seemed like a very well, put together, classy and sophisticated sort of man.  But underneath, he was a snarky, sarcastic, smart-ass who liked to tell of a lot of poop jokes. 

I wanted to punch something.  I wanted to throw something at my reflection.  I wanted to run and hide and not come back to this earth for a very, very long time.

“Eren,” Armin had carefully placed a hand on my shoulder, which I shoved off and went to smash my head against the wall.  The fresh pain helped, but also made my stomach twist tighter and my eyes sting harder.  “I wouldn’t have asked you to do this if I knew it was your ex.  You can go home.  I won’t think badly of you.”

“Except that’s exactly what he wants me to do!” I was seething with rage, now realising I was trapped here, chained to this pathetic excuse for a date until it was finished.  Because that’s just how Levi was.  He liked to finish things.  He liked to start something and put all his energy into finishing it until he had done the best job he could do. 

Like ruining me.

“Surely you can sacrifice your pride for one night-“

“Not to him!”  I knew what Armin was going to say; that I let pride get the better of me even though it’s okay to just walk away sometimes.  That no one would think worse of me if I walked out of this restaurant.  That anybody else would have done the same thing.  “I’ve already given him enough!”

I didn’t like that my voice was thick.  I didn’t like the way Armin was looking at me with the deepest pity.  I didn’t like the smell of the bathroom.  I didn’t like the food here.  I didn’t like feeling this way. 

I took a deep, shuddering breath, walking back to the mirror to smooth out my hair at least a little, making sure my eyes weren’t red and my cheeks weren’t pink.  Armin waited patiently for me to ready myself, straightening out his collar as he did.  I apologised for creasing it as we left for our table again.

The centre piece had been taken away, replaced with a tray of appetisers.  Some precious fish dish I was sure.  But I vowed not to be picky, letting myself sit back down again and tried valiantly not to look Levi in the eye, though I could still feel him smirking at me.  I would be pleasant to him.  I would be curt and polite to him.  I would show him he didn’t affect me.  That the show before was nothing but a direct result of an unexpected event. 

_“Your forehead is red.”_

“Shut up!”

Well, so much for that.

“I had no idea you two knew each other,” Erwin was saying, giving Armin a curious look, silently asking him if this date was still a good idea.  Armin gave him a nervous smile in return, eager to continue with the date, though not so eager to see how Levi and I would treat each other throughout the night.

“Oh, yeah.  Eren and I go way back,” Levi was saying, taking a long sip from his wine glass.

I hope he choked on it and dropped dead.

“What a remarkable coincidence.  Why didn’t you tell me you knew who I was setting you up with, Levi?” Erwin asked, offering an appetiser to Armin, who took a few.  I didn’t feel like eating fish.  Besides, they looked like they had egg on them.  Yuck.

“Didn’t I mention that?  I guess it slipped my mind.”

It did not, you abominable twat.  You knew it was me.  You knew you would have the chance to come here and fuck with my head.  You knew you’d be spending your Valentine’s Day terrorising your ex, probably gloating over all the sluts you’ve fucked since we broke up.  Well, sorry, but I’m not your toy anymore.  I’m not going to give in to your expectations this time.

“Shall we order?” Armin spoke up, wanting nothing more than to break the tension that was steadily forming.  I sort of felt sorry for Armin.  He had been prepared to spend a night with the man he admired, hopefully watch as I did the same, only now he was stuck babysitting me and hoping I wouldn’t do or say anything that would ruin the night.

Levi was still Erwin’s friend, and how I acted towards Levi would affect how Erwin acted towards Armin.

Levi, the obnoxious beast that he is, ended up ordering for everyone.  He ordered some kind of savoury pudding for Erwin (like there was such a thing), cheese and garlic pasta with some crazy vegetable side dish for Armin (are you trying to prevent my friend from getting laid?), salmon for him (that’s bordering on cannibalism, you fish-faced bastard) and chicken and egg salad for me (without the egg salad).

So he remembered.  That surprised me slightly.  Surprised me that he had intentionally told them to hold the egg salad, giving me a curt smile as he did, obviously planning something else.  The chicken was probably some rare breed that killed you if it wasn’t cooked properly.  He probably paid someone on the side to poison it, just to be sure he got the job done.

Levi even asked if they could replace the egg salad with mashed potatoes: which I loved.  I scowled at him as the waiter walked away to tell the kitchen of the change in order.  He smiled at me still, his eyes bright and mischievous, his entire body radiating something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but certainly didn’t like the feeling of.

Soon, Armin and Erwin were locked in their own little world.  I heard talk of vacations they had had before along with what parts of the world they wanted to visit, what books they wanted to read that were out of print, what television shows they liked.  The regular first date sort of talk.  I was happy Armin seemed to be getting along with Erwin so well, but as I turned to see Levi still smirking at me, my mood soured all over again.

“So, Eren,” Levi was pouring me a glass of wine.  I pushed it away from me, intent on remaining sober throughout the entirety of the night, not wanting to give Levi a chance to embarrass me further than he already had.  “What’s new in your life?”

I gritted my teeth, wanting to smack that smug, stupid expression right off his ass-eating face. 

“I bought a new couch,” I said stiffly, determined that that would be the only new source of information he would have on me for the rest of the night.

“Really?” He almost fooled me into believing he sounded even remotely interested.

After that, my short answers and over all attitude ended any type of conversation Levi tried to start.  He kept his face smooth and his voice even smoother as he attempted to talk to me, not appearing deterred as I bit at him once or twice about annoying habits he used to have, and probably still did.

Dinner kept us distracted for a while, and I almost got away without risking the chicken, but it really did look wonderful and I was starving by that point.  Luckily, whatever Levi had done to it didn’t seem to be taking affect, and I ate the rest of it, but left the mashed potatoes untouched, determined not to let Levi think I might have appreciated the gesture.

Then we were back to starring at each other across the table.  Levi, with a small smile on his lips, his jaw in his hand, his bangs starting to loosen from their hold in the gel he had used.  Under the restaurant light, the glow of the chandelier, the flickering of his skin from the candle that sat between us, I hated to admit that he looked really good.  Elegant and handsome, detailed and refined, not much of a change from his usual attire.

I remembered being utterly jealous of how Levi always managed to remain so pristine.  Even after we had a vigorous session under the sheets, he had always managed to look like a god, with his sweaty bangs hanging in his face and the light sheen of sweat over his pale skin.  I blinked once or twice, knocking the images out of my head, refusing to think of him that way again.

The soft piano music that had been playing in the background was replaced with a live orchestra.  A dance floor opened up and it didn’t surprise me in the least when Erwin grabbed Armin’s much smaller hand and ushered him towards the floor.  At least Levi had the decency to refrain from making a mockery of me in front of the entire restaurant, obviously also remembering my lack of co-ordination.

I stared hard at my plate, wishing the feeling of Levi’s cool, grey eyes fixating on mine would disappear.  But the feeling of those dark irises staring at my skin didn’t leave me, and soon I even felt the unquestionable feeling of a socked foot working its way up my pant leg.  I couldn’t even blame the feeling on Erwin mistaking me for his preferred partner, as both Erwin and Armin were happily making fools of themselves on the dance floor. 

I pushed my chair back suddenly, evading Levi’s foot, glancing down just in time to see black, clothed toes disappear back under the tablecloth.

“Sorry,” came his sweetened voice, which held no ounce of apology.  “Force of habit.”

“Force of habit, my ass,” I muttered, though not at all quietly.  He continued to smile at my sullen face.

“Want to dance?”

“Not even at all.”

“It was worth a try.”

“Oh so _that_ was worth a try?  But committing to one person, that’s just a tad too hard for you, is it?”

I was surprised that I didn’t feel elated at finally causing Levi’s smile to drop.  I was surprised that I actually felt guilty at having hurt him.  I watched his eyes carefully, watched as a thousand different thoughts spun their webs in his head.  I went back to looking at my plate, preferring the sight of the now cold potatoes to Levi’s crestfallen face.

“Eren,” his voice had gone soft, just like it had before he broke the news to me that I wouldn’t be coming over for Friday night games anymore, that I wouldn’t be allowed to kiss his stupidly gorgeous face anymore, that my nights would now be filled with an emptiness I couldn’t remember how to live with.

“Just stop,” I cut him off, not feeling like hearing whatever he had to say at all.  “Don’t try to explain it.  Don’t try to justify yourself.  It doesn’t matter.  Going along with this date, manipulating Erwin into giving you a night with me, the egg salad and the mashed potatoes, none of that is going to work.  I’m not affected by you anymore, Levi.”

Because that’s what had hurt the most.  It wasn’t that I seemed to be constantly catching Levi flirting with other men, or that I could tell him everything I loved about him and hear none of it in return, or that he was always telling me that we were moving too fast, though he seemed perfectly content to stick his tongue down another guy’s throat.  It was that Levi knew how tight a hold he had had on me.

He knew how much I had loved him.  He knew what fucking with my feelings and toying with my emotions would do to me.  He knew I would continue to stay be his side until it was him that dealt the final blow.  He knew he couldn’t be in a relationship with just one person.  He knew all of this, but he fucking did it anyway.

“I’ve changed,” were his only words.  I actually had to laugh at that, laugh at how serious he sounded saying it, as if he thought for a second I would actually believe it.

“You’ve changed?  That’s your go-to response.  You’ve _changed?_ ” I covered my mouth, stifling my laughter.  “So what?  You came here to win me back?  Run your foot up my thigh and hope I’d be smitten with you all over again?  You agreed to this date because you thought you would get a second chance?”

“Yes.”

I gaped at him.  At his dark eyes that told me he wasn’t lying.  At his jaw and his lips that were set in a hard line, just like they always were when he was telling me something I had no choice in hearing.  He was completely serious, and that was probably the biggest surprise of the night.

I thought Levi was the bad guy.  I thought he had come here to mock my broken heart.  I thought he had come here to rub salt in the wound.  But he was just here to rectify a mistake I knew he had been making.  He was here to bring back a part of him he didn’t know he had been losing.  Maybe Levi had changed, maybe a year apart had done him some good, or maybe even losing me had done him some good.  It didn’t matter though.  I wasn’t willing to risk it all to find out.

“Erwin and I are leaving,” Armin came trotting back to our table, his face flushed and his hair tangled, the tell-tale sign of a bruise forming just above his collar.  When did those two find the time to sneak away and make out?  “Erwin wants to pay the cheque.  Are you guys done?”

I shoved my chair further back from the table so I would have room to stand up.

“Yeah.” I gave Levi one last look, my eyes hard and my lips drawn down, my shoulders slumped and my fists clenched.  “We’re so done.”

I turned and stormed out of the restaurant, not even bothering to collect my coat as I left, intent on returning home, forgetting this entire night had ever existed and spending Valentine’s Day the way I had originally intended.


	2. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had thought over so many ways to win Eren back, from simply seducing him into my bed from buying his affections with expensive gifts that he wouldn’t have cared for anyway. But I realised that the only way to show Eren I had changed was to tell him the one thing he had always needed to hear. I had to admit to him, to his face, of my mistakes and of my regret. If he heard that, maybe he would understand that there was no longer a monster living inside this shell that was my body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2. Enjoy.

_Levi_

Checking Eren’s coat out of the restaurant coat check was surprisingly easy.  All it took was a few winks from me to the girl, telling her my idiot friend had to run out and forgot to get his coat even though it was minus ten outside, and she was more than happy to hand it over.  Getting up to Eren’s room in his apartment building without him knowing was slightly harder, as the girl at the front desk obviously remembered me and either Eren had told her our history or she had figured it out from my lack of presence over the past year.  I tried to be honest, showing her his coat and telling her that I just wanted to deliver it to him.  When she insisted she could do it, I only slipped her a twenty instead.  It took another twenty and a fifty before she conceded, letting me pass to go up the elevator to Eren’s floor.

I didn’t even blink as I handed over the money.  Eren was worth so much more.

As the elevator went up, I tried to think of what I would say, what I could say, that would convince Eren I wanted another chance, that I wasn’t doing this to fuck with him but because I had conquered my own personal demons and now I was ready to give him what I couldn’t a year ago.  I admit, even back then, that I hadn’t exactly treated him like he deserved.  I had been constantly looking for someone better, letting him catch me with someone else, seeing how far I could push him before he tossed me aside like I subconsciously wanted him to. 

Now, I had been blessed with a chance to be with him again.  When Erwin had asked me if I was willing to change our plans together for Valentine’s Day, I had been ready to say ‘no’.  I had been ready to push aside any sort of desire he had to be with that blonde kid he had had his eye on for so long, despite that he wouldn’t see him again for two weeks after.  I was a selfish human being; this proved incredibly more so when I heard the name of the boy that I was to be set up with if I agreed.  Eren Jaeger.

I jumped at the opportunity.

I made it seem as though I was simply going along with Erwin’s plan because I wanted him to have his date, making sure he never knew how eager I was for this date of my own.  If Erwin knew I had used to date Eren, and knowing my past in as excruciating detail as he did, he would call the whole thing off, never bothering to ask my side of the story.  So I made sure to act as normal as possible, until date night arrived.

Of course, it hadn’t gone according to plan.  I hadn’t expected Eren to fall into my arms at the sight of me; I felt I wouldn’t have respected him as much if he had.  But I hadn’t expected him to reject me so outright when I had revealed I wanted him to be mine once again.  Then again, he wouldn’t be Eren if he wasn’t so stubborn about it all.

But I knew how much he wanted this to happen.  I knew because what we have, you don’t find it every day.  You don’t find it every year, ever decade, not even every century.  You find it once in a lifetime.  This past year, I had grown to believe that the theory that there were several soul mates out there for each of us, and we just had to be in the right place at the right time to meet one of them; I personally believed that it was bullshit.  We had one chance, one opportunity, to be with the one we loved forever.  Anyone else would always just be second best.

Eren was mine.  My only one, my only chance, to be forever happy with the same person.  To wake up to the same face every day and be unexplainably happy, to come home to the same body every night and feel content that it was mine, the only one I would ever touch and kiss and pleasure.  Eren was all of that for me and more. 

I wasn’t proud of the fact that it took so much experimentation, took so much pain on Eren’s part, so much uncertainty, before I knew that.  But I was here now, ready to commit, ready to love him like he had always wanted me too.  I only needed to convince him of just that.

The elevator door opened up into the hallway Eren shared with one other person.  I moved to the door I knew to be Eren’s, knocking once then stepping out of the way so he wouldn’t know it was me from the peephole that had been drilled into the door.  Just as I hoped, his curiosity got the better of him, and the door opened to reveal a soft, brown chest, bright red briefs and a body fit for a god clad in nothing else.  I couldn’t help but smirk at his bulge before I noticed him stepping back, ready to slam the door in my face.

I quickly jammed his coat in between the door and the frame.  He grabbed the coat, intent on ripping it from my grip.  But, having prepared for this, I had tied one of the coat arms around my own.  The only way he was going to slam that door was if I was behind it.

“I just want to talk,” I spoke steadily and carefully, cautious not to sound as determined and eager as I was.  Eren responded to firm voices and quickly given demands.  The key to this whole endeavour was remembering what I knew about him, playing that to my strength, and hoping our break up hadn’t trashed the parts of him that I knew so well.

“I don’t!” He grumbled, yanking on the coat, hoping to rip it off me if he had to.

“Eren, I’m not going to do anything to you.”

“That look to my crotch said otherwise!”

“I meant I’m not going to do anything to you you don’t want me to.”

“I don’t want you to do anything to me!  Except leave and never come back.  Oh wait; you already did!”

I let him yank on the coat again, this time using the momentum to fling myself through the doorway, Eren stumbling back as I did.  I peacefully shut the door, untying the coat from my arm and placing it on the stand to my right.

“If I had ‘never come back’ than I wouldn’t be here now,” I said calmly, keeping my distance, determined to show him he could trust me again.

“So why are you here now?” He was furious, red with rage, giving his briefs a run for their money.  I hated that he was practically naked in front of me; it made it so much harder for me to maintain my self-control. 

“You know why.”

“To win me back?  Really?  I told you.  We’re done.  I don’t want anything to do with you.  I don’t want you to ask me a question I have no answer for.  I don’t want you to worm your way back into my heart only to shatter it all over again!”

There was silence between us, the only sound was Eren’s heavy breathing as he continued to glare at me.  I could only avert my eyes, knowing his fear was real, knowing he had every reason to be scared of such a thing.  But I had several cards I was willing to play, several cards I was going to show before I stepped out of his home defeated.  He was stubborn, but I was strategically so. 

“I was wrong.”

The way Eren’s features flickered, the way they transformed from pure rage to doubt at his rage had my heart skipping a beat, the organ filling with hope.  I had thought over so many ways to win Eren back, from simply seducing him into my bed from buying his affections with expensive gifts that he wouldn’t have cared for anyway.  But I realised that the only way to show Eren I had changed was to tell him the one thing he had always needed to hear.  I had to admit to him, to his face, of my mistakes and of my regret.  If he heard that, maybe he would understand that there was no longer a monster living inside this shell that was my body.

“Wrong?  About what?” His hackles raised in defence once again, his eyes narrowed and his fists clenched, the muscles in his arms flexing.  “Wrong about cheating on me?  Wrong about lying to me about it?  Or wrong about using my fucking feelings for your own personal gain and using them to experiment and see if you were ready to have a boyfriend?!”

“I was wrong about all of it.”  I was still calm, still steady, but I felt like my insides were trying to escape out from my mouth.  “I was wrong to treat you that way.  I was wrong to lie to you.  I was wrong to use your feelings like I had.  But I’m not wrong about telling you how much I loved you.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s true.  I should have been honest with you, told you I was scared of fucking us up, told you I was a ticking time bomb.  It wouldn’t have made what I did any better but at least you would’ve known.  I lied about a lot of things but I never once lied to you about how much I loved you, how much I needed you, how much fun I had when we were together.”

Eren was faulting.  I could see it in his eyes.  He didn’t say anything, only continued to stare at me, working through all the thoughts in his head as he tried to comprehend what I was saying, trying to decide which theory of his about me would win over the rest.

“Do you remember the last moments of _The Last of Us?”_

“Oh, fuck off!” Eren all but screeched, pissed that I would use a memory of our own last moments together to try and win more moments now.  But I persevered.

“Let me explain!  Do you remember the last moments of _The Last of Us_ , when Ellie asks Joel if he ever lied to her, and he lies about lying to her?  Do you remember the look on her face when he answered her?  She was scared and she was angry and she was upset; but she believed him.  She believed him because he was the only sure thing in her life and she needed to believe him despite the fact that she would never know for sure.”

“What are you saying?” Eren’s eyes were still narrowed, scathing, judging.  Skipping around my words and trying to find the hole I expected him to fall through.  Except there was no hole.  Just a wall; and whether it came down or not, was entirely up to him.  “That I should give you the benefit of the doubt?  That I should believe this fantasy you’ve conjured for me that you’ve changed?”

“That’s assuming you’re Ellie and I’m Joel.  Think of it the other way around.”

Eren’s shoulders relaxed slightly.  I could see on his face that he still didn’t get what I was saying, but the fact that I had now posed a mystery to Eren was enough to keep him interested, enough to keep him calm, at least for the duration of our conversation.

“I’m about to ask you a question.  Whether you lie to me or not, is entirely up to you.  I’m Ellie.  You’re Joel.  You have the chance to end this game.”

Eren braced himself, squared his shoulders and looked me directly in the eye, waiting for me to continue.

“Tell me now, right here, right now, if you don’t love me.  Swear to me you honestly have no feelings left for me.  Swear to me that this is a lost cause only because you don’t love me anymore, not because you’re scared of me.  Swear that to me, and I’ll walk out of your home, and out of your life.”

His entire demeanour softened.  His eyes widened and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, processing my words, debating which answer he wanted to give.  I felt stupid, using a video game as a way of connecting Eren with who I now was.  But if Eren was going to relate to anything, it would be something he had thrown his heart and soul into, only to be crushed at the end; exactly like our relationship.  That game had worn on his last nerve and I didn’t stop hearing about it for days after he had managed to beat the game.   But it was something he could relate to, something he would always understand.  He could use that as a bridge to understand me.

“I can’t.”  His voice was thick as he finally replied, his eyes shiny as they grew moist from his tears.  “I can’t tell you that.”

I felt an entire weight lift off my shoulders, my breath leaving me in a gust of relief.

Eren’s tears started to fall, rolling down his cheek, his eyes starting to go red as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand, sniffling into his skin.  I approached him cautiously, careful not to startle him as I gently lifted a hand and swiped his cheek with my thumb, cradling his perfect features in my palm, my own breathing growing heavy as he relaxed into my touch.

And just like that, his lips were on mine.  He was kissing me vigorously.  He was pressing himself up against me, whimpering as I cupped his face and kissed him back, not moving to touch his body just yet, wanting to show him I was happy with just this for now, that I could appreciate every little thing about him.

His lips were soft and he tasted of salt and butter.  His hair was silky under my fingertips and I could feel his body, so hot and so ripped, only centimetres away from mine.  I ran my fingers through his hair, tugging on the strands lightly, letting him slowly slip into something that was so perfect and so familiar.

“What if I’m not good enough?” he was saying, my lips still caught in his, his cheeks still wet and his whole body shivering from our close proximity.  “What if you feel you need to ‘experiment’ again?”

I sucked in a shaky breath of my own, refusing to cry in front of Eren, simply because he was the one that needed, deserved, to cry the most.

“Experimenting sort of became useless when I started comparing everyone to you,” I blinked back my own tears as I gazed at his bright, green orbs.  “Nobody ever had quite the same shade of brown hair.  Nobody’s eyes were round enough to be yours.  Nobody had your voice or your arms or your scent.  Nobody could compare; and that’s when I realised how much of a fuck up I had been.”

Then I was holding him.  His face was warm and wet as I kissed it a thousand times over, my hands running up his bare waist, his lips moving so perfectly with mine as our tongues met, testing each other’s taste all over again, only to find neither of us had changed in that aspect at all.  Eren’s arms were wrapped tightly around my shoulders, his breathing laboured as we continued to kiss the life out of each other, our bodies itching to be closer once again, already recognising the signs of something so perfect growing in the air.

His skin was smooth.  So incredibly smooth.  I had forgotten how smooth he kept it.  I had forgotten how delicious his back felt under my fingers or how amazing it was to feel his muscles shift as I made them work to be touched.  I slid my hands up to his shoulders, massaging the shoulder blades and moving my mouth so I was placing hot kisses over his neck.  I sucked at his skin, biting at the tanned flesh, leaving marks and a hefty bruise. 

He was shivering as I pushed him back towards the couch, could feel him grasping at my hips and my ass.  I groaned as he gripped my ass, his fingers digging into it, making my entire body spark alight and my throat let out a deep moan.  I could feel him shuddering under my hands as I moved to push him onto the sofa, intent on stripping his briefs off him and revelling in the sight of his naked body once again.

I could remember doing that all the time.  Could remember waking up first and peeling the sheet off Eren’s body slowly, so as not to wake him.  I could remember watching his chest rise and fall so smoothly as he slept, could remember trailing my eyes down his stomach, over his hips, past his cock, all the way down to his toes, and then doing it all over again until he awoke because of a draft or because he could just sense my eyes on him.

I had missed doing that so completely, had missed wanting nothing but Eren all for me and nobody else.

“Not the couch!” Came his voice, grabbing my shoulders and stopping me from pushing him down.  “It’s new.”

I could understand the desire to keep a freshly bought piece of furniture as clean as it was when it was delivered, but even I had my limits.  Even so, I had just won Eren’s heart again, I wasn’t about to go back to his bad side because we stained his couch.  With a feral growl, I grabbed him by the waistband of his briefs and tugged him towards his bedroom, where I threw him to the mattress then proceeded to remove any excess clothing I couldn’t be bothered waiting for him to do himself.

My scarf fell to the floor, along with my coat, and my second sweater.  I chucked my shoes into the corner, bending down to rip my socks off my feet, and wasting no time to take the zipper of my jeans and force it down, slinking them off my legs before collapsing onto Eren’s bed, immediately burying my face into the sheets and inhaling deeply.

“Fuck!  I missed this smell!”  I could feel Eren clambering on top of me, hooking his fingers under the waist band of my own briefs and tugging them down, his tongue hot and his teeth sharp on the skin of my ass.  I chuckled, clenching my fists at the sparks that spread across my back as he continued to kiss my skin.

“I missed this ass,” I felt him murmur against said ass.  I breathed deeply, shifting so I could get my hand underneath me, fisting my cock slightly to harden it quicker.  Then I felt a hand come round to join me, another hardened cock fitting into the crease of my ass, grinding against it.  I whined, I moaned, I begged him to jerk me off faster.  He did.

“Dammit, Eren,” I groaned into his sheets, gripping them between my fingers.  I was so torn between thrusting against his hand or grinding myself back against his cock, so I settled for some spastic combination of the two, using my own hand to tighten his fingers around me and lifting my ass so I could feel his balls pressing against me.

“Levi,” he was panting my name against my back, leaving wet kisses all over, making me hum with appreciation at the affection. 

As much as I loved my current position, and as much as I firmly believed Eren was having just a good a time as I was, I wasn’t going to let him do all the work.  I gave one last, good grind against him, feeling his cock throb against me, teasing my desire for him, making my heart clench at the thought that I wasn’t inside him yet, then shoved his hand away, sitting up and shoving my briefs the rest of the way down my legs before moving to straddle Eren’s naked hips.

“Mmmm,” I considered him, watched his eyes flicker between my face and my dick, erect and red and wanting as much of his attention as he wanted to give.  “I can’t decide whether I want to lick you all over or shove my fingers up your ass and watch your face while I finger fuck you.”

Eren’s chest stopped halfway through its current breath, lowering and starting it again.  I smiled at the sight, thankful I could still do things to him with just my voice, which had been my greatest asset when we were together previously.  It helped when he was in one of his bad moods, and all he wanted to do was sit and do nothing.  It helped when I felt like being overly dominant and wanted to make him come before I did.  It helped making him want me, helped making him desire me.

Eren was playing with the hem of my shirt.  I could see him debating whether or not to let this happen while I still wore it, or rip open the buttons and trace my muscles with his tongue like he used to.  I knew he had a fetish about fucking me while I was still wearing clothes, and to be honest, I wouldn’t mind keeping my shirt on for this.  Simply because it would feel so much more familiar, just like old times, as if we had all the time in the world so it didn’t matter if I wasn’t completely naked just this once.

“They both sound so fucking good,” his moist lips were saying, a tongue darting out to moisten them further as he spoke.  “But it’s been a long time since I’ve done this with you and I just really want to skip ahead to the good stuff.”

I growled at that, grabbing his hair and pulling his head back so I could put my tongue in his mouth and get it in really deep, playing with his airway, making him choke and cough as he worked to adjust to my usually violent kisses again.

“Fuck, I love you,” I breathed against his cheek once I had had enough, and the words felt so good to say.  Because it wasn’t that I had never loved Eren, it was because I had loved him so much as to why I was had been such a pathetic excuse for a boyfriend.  I wasn’t use to falling for someone, to genuinely, happily, desiring their company for more than just sex, wanting to share every tiny part of my day, happy to die so long as I died with them, falling for someone.  So when I had found Eren, and had dropped off the edge quicker than gravity could take me, I had grown fearful of what that might do to me, so had cut to the chase and done what I had been scared I was going to do in the first place; I fucked up the relationship.

But now, it was different.  Now I could kiss and suck and be close to him without fearing he was falling for me too, because that’s exactly what I wanted.  Now I could moan his name into his ear, and be elated when my own name was returned in the same desperate whisper.  Now I wasn’t afraid to tell him how I felt, because I wasn’t afraid of it solidifying our relationship further.  I wanted it all, I wanted Eren.

“Nnng,” Eren clawed at my shirt, gripping the fabric and pulling me tight to him.  “I love you too.”

After that it was a haze of tongues and moaning and fists in hair and lube and condoms and preparation.  I couldn’t remember if Eren had stretched me.  I couldn’t remember if I had stretched me.  But it didn’t matter, because now all I could feel was Eren as I sank down onto him, my ass opening up as he sheathed himself inside me, my legs gripping either side of his hips as I tried to stay upright long enough to get him all the way in, moaning at the burn and loving how sick I was for enjoying it.

“Oh baby!  I think you’ve grown since we last did this,” I murmured against Eren’s chest, licking his collarbone and breathing against the wet trail I had left, watching the goosebumps rise on his skin.

“No!” He protested, his voice strained as he adjusted to being inside me once again.  “You’re ass just shrunk!”

I let out a hearty laugh at that, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling his face down to kiss me.  I lapped at the inside of his mouth, my tongue grazing his, his taste overwhelming me and causing me to shift my hips, a lovely moan leaving his throat as  did.  I watched as Eren pushed himself up so he could sit up with me in his lap, gripping my hips tight and catching my skin again with his teeth.  I rocked my hips, and that’s all it took for me to remember.

To remember a thousand times we had done this before.  From the first time, when I had fucked Eren into the mattress, to our last time, which had been awkward and quiet, like the both of us could feel our relationship dying off.  I could remember all the times in between, every position we had tried, every toy we had ventured, it all came back to me.  I could remember the burning it had given me, each and every time, how I yielded to his touch and his hold.  I could remember ecstasy, huge, white, hot flashes of ecstasy as I took out my burning passion for him by thrusting into him again and again, or forcing him to thrust harder into me. 

I could remember, and all it did was make me want it all over again.  I gritted my teeth, forcing Eren to bury his forehead into the crook of my neck, while I rose up with my knees and slid back down on him, not relenting my hold as Eren struggled against me, moaning against my shoulder, shuddering under my touch. 

“Levi!” He was whining, whimpering, gasping.  I held a hand fast to his neck, keeping him in place, another hand snaking down to grope and squeeze at his ass, making him whine and whimper and gasp some more.  Then I felt hot hands around my erection, gripping it in just the right way that had me moaning and heaving, had me rising and falling fast on top of his dick.

“I’ve missed you so much.”  I didn’t mean for this to get so heartfelt.  I didn’t mean for my deep and hidden feelings to come out.  I didn’t mean to take the heat away from this moment and replace it with a burning ember, which was still beautifully enjoyable, but now wasn’t the rough and passionate sex the both of us had been working towards.

“I hated that you left,” Eren was saying against my collar, his cheeks warm and wet, his shoulders heaving as he began to cry. 

I frowned, angry at myself for doing this to him again, for making him remember memories and events that should have never taken place.  So I started riding him in earnest, feeling his tears fall faster and warmer onto my shirt, felt him slip inside me again and again, his grip on me unrelenting as he jerked me off, matching his strokes to the time of my jumps.  I rolled my hips, feeling his teeth sink into my skin yet again, I rose and fell down on him, listening to him cry and grip me even harder. 

I continued like that, holding back nothing as I concentrated on absorbing this feeling, committing it to memory.  I thought I had done a good job of remembering what it was like to be with Eren.  I thought I had been able to recreate the memories pretty well.  After the break up, there had been countless drunkards who I had taken home and put to work, calling a different name to their own, turning them around so it was easier to imagine I was with the person I wanted to be with, and not the sleaze I had picked up at the bar.

Eventually, the memories had faded, making it almost impossible for me to enjoy sex at all.  I had tried hard to conjure those feelings within me again, but had constantly failed, meaning I was always leaving in the middle of a rump on the couch or in the elevator or in the bathroom stall, angry cries following me and bouncing off my back.  But now that I had him again, now that I could create an entirely new set of memories, it was hard for me to go slow, to hold anything back at all.

I simply gave into the pleasure that was being with Eren again.  I forced him to look at me, his eyes full of a pain I could probably never begin to understand, his heart aching for time missed and memories wasted, kissing his lips and willing him to forget.  I lingered against his mouth, continuing to move my lips with his, nipping at his tongue, letting him suck mine, letting him taste and feel me all over again.  All the while I continued to keep a steady rhythm, bouncing on Eren’s lap and causing his cries to grow louder and louder as we continued to grip onto each other; my hands around his shoulders, his fingers clawing at my skull.

Then his nose was pressed against the crook of my neck again, and I could feel him inhaling me.  I moaned at the feeling, whining for more.  I loved that Eren wanted my scent back, because I had completely forgotten that Eren smelled like coffee and sunflowers, of damp air just before it rained with just a hint of soap.  I had forgotten his cries were high-pitched, short and sudden, coming out from his chest at a rate that made me scared he was going to hyperventilate.  I had forgotten his eyes positively glowed when he felt like this, positively radiated his want for me as I touched our foreheads and let him run his fingers over my lips, memorising the shape of them.

Then he was saying words; words of love and of kindness and of compassion, words I honestly didn’t deserve.  But I didn’t brush them off, took them and kept them safe somewhere in the recesses of my mind, making sure they would be there for when I needed to hear them again.  I let him press his ear to my mouth as I told him again how much I had missed him, how wrong I had been to leave him, a few thousand apologies, along with a final decree of everlasting love.

Then I was releasing everything, all over his chest and his stomach, some catching on his chin though he didn’t seem to mind, resting himself on my shoulder and using my shirt as a crutch while he finally came too, emptying himself and letting out one, long final cry of pleasure.  I swallowed it with my mouth, keeping my lips firmly attached to his, swallowing any further sounds he made as I rode out the rest of our orgasms.

“Levi,” he was panting, his breath hot on my face.  “Levi.  Levi.  Levi.  Levi.”  Like a mantra, he kept repeating my name.  I held him tightly to me, remaining in his lap even after pulling him out of me, letting him collapse against my shoulder and grip me tightly, obviously hell-bent on remaining this way for the rest of the night.  I found I was perfectly alright with that. 

Eventually the heat of it all died off and in order to keep our balls from freezing off we huddled under Eren’s blankets, accompanied by his ever growing pillow collection.  I was busy counting all the new ones I hadn’t seen before, some from movies or games he had always loved, some were obviously from new interests I would have to ask about later.  Right now, I was just too fucking comfy to care about anything but the boy dozing on my arm. 

I could tell he was trying desperately to stay awake, obviously not wanting to miss out on anything just as I didn’t.  He was beautiful as he attempted to stay awake.  Every time he suddenly awoke once again, he looked so confused as to where he was or why I was there, before all the memories came back and he relaxed under my petting hand again.  I smiled, realising we would both be getting used to the fact of having each other back in our lives all over again.  It wouldn’t take long though. 

“Levi?” Came his soft voice, drunken with sleep and his voice muffled by all the blankets he was under.  I hummed, telling him I was paying attention.  “What are you thinking about?”

My heart skipped a beat, aching, so many more memories flooding back to me.  It had always been Eren’s favourite question.  He had never been able to read me like he read other people, so he was always asking what was on my mind, wanting to share the same thoughts, wanting one more thing for us to have in common.  I squeezed his skull, right where I had been petting his hair softly, smoothing down the on-end strands.

“You, you silly pillow fetish lunatic.”  Did he seriously think I could be thinking of anything else at a time like this?  Be thinking of taxes or work or something that might have happened to me during the week over thinking of his beautiful eyes and his soft hair and his adorable expression as he continued to fight off his drowsiness.

“It’s not a fetish,” he mumbled, obviously having no energy to argue with me properly at all.  “They’re warm and soft and comfy.”

“I’m warm and soft and comfy.  Are you saying I’m not your fetish anymore?” I was glad he was nodding off again, so he couldn’t see the ridiculously huge smile that had spread across my face.

“You’ve always been my fetish, Levi.  You and that dick of yours,” was his answer before his breathing evened out and he fell asleep again.  I kissed him on the forehead, taking one final whiff of his deliciously unique scent before closing my eyes and trying to fall asleep too.

I awoke suddenly to the mattress shifting beside me, to a warm and strong body readjusting so he was lying right beside me, his arms winding around my chest and his lips connecting to my shoulder again and again.  I tried to move, tried to tell him I was awake, that I was willing to hold him if that’s what he wanted, but then he was speaking and I felt myself freeze, wanting to hear what he would say to me if he thought I wasn’t listening.

“I really love you, Levi.”  His voice sounded distant, fragile, the aftermath of reuniting with someone you were afraid would break your heart all over again.  “I’m really happy.  I’m really happy you wanted me back.  I can remember praying and hoping that you’d ask me to be yours again.  I can remember my heart jumping every time the phone rang, wondering if this was the phone call that would bring you back to me.  I held out for you for so long; it’s almost sort of pathetic, now that I think about it.”

I held my breath, wondering if he was going to continue, careful how I let it out when he did.

“I wanted to say yes.  At the restaurant, when you admitted you had only come to win me back.  I wanted to say yes, and kiss you, and tell you I never stopped loving you.  But I felt like that would mean I was weak and I was easy and that maybe you could hurt me again, and I’d come crawling back every time you asked.  I wanted to believe you had changed, that maybe you had only been going through something the last time and the time apart, though painful, was good for you.  But if I believed that, then it meant I hadn’t changed at all, that I was the same person.  If you had changed, you wouldn’t want the person I was now compared to the person I used to be.  I felt like I’d never meet your expectations.”

I knew Eren was saying all of this because he needed to get it out.  Even if I wasn’t supposed to be listening, he could pretend that I was, and maybe that would make the next few weeks easier for him.  The next few weeks of learning everything about one another again, the next few weeks of finding out our likes and dislikes, why we fought, if we even fought at all.  If he said it all now, it meant it wouldn’t be burning such a huge hole in him later.  I let him speak as much as he wanted, his voice quiet and his lips brushing my shoulder as he continued to tell me all his fears and worries and what he wanted out of me and what he thought I wanted out of him.

“Saying ‘no’ was easy.  It was a reflex reaction, and you already know I’m good at not thinking about what I’m saying.  So I just went with it, even though I could feel it in my bones that it wouldn’t take much more convincing for me to change my mind.  I thought I wanted to hit you, simply because it’s what I thought I should do.  But I actually wanted to avoid the entire argument we had and take all your clothes off and see if you had changed physically as well as mentally.”

I smiled.  Just slightly. 

“I’m glad we’re together again; as cliché and cheesy as that sounds, I’m glad.  I want us to make out on Sunday mornings, and I want you to grab me in the kitchen while I’m cooking.  I want you to invade my shower and use up all my soap.  I want you to tell me you love me, over and over and over again.”

That wouldn’t be hard. 

Eren had grown silent, having gone back to dozing in and out, blinking awake, seeming startled all over again when he realised there was someone next to him.  When I was sure he had dozed off again, I let my fingers run through his hair, let him wake up once again to the feeling of my lips on his forehead, so he could twist his head so he was smiling at me.  I gave him a smile back, kissing his forehead again.

“I love you,” I murmured, feeling his hair ruffle under the wind of my breath.  I could practically feel his entire heart beat push the blood even faster through his veins, his breath catching and his whole body rolling over so he was lying on top of me, our naked legs twisted together. 

“I love you too.”

The next time I woke up the sun was high in the sky and the smell of pancakes and bacon was wafting in to me from the kitchen.  I sat up, rubbing my eyes and scratching my head, twisting my neck and rolling my shoulders, getting out all the stiffness from having slept under someone most of the night.

Then there was the sound of cutlery against crockery, the sound of bare feet padding against a wooden floor, and then Eren was emerging into the bedroom with a tray of what looked like the most delicious looking breakfast I would ever have the pleasure of sampling.  I smiled as he joined me under the covers again, setting up the tray on my lap before getting comfortable, and then taking a hold of my face and bringing me close for a kiss.

“G’morning, Sleeping Beauty,” his voice sounded just as good in the first minutes of waking up as it sounded in the dark hours of the night when he was crying my name.  I hummed my appreciation of the spread before me, shifting slightly so Eren could sit close to me, so I could keep my left hand around his briefs and use my right hand to eat.

I looked at the tray, a plate topped with round, warm, fluffy pancakes, hot, still sizzling bacon, small boxes of cereal and a jug of milk, another jug of juice along with a side of maple syrup, a small bowel of butter and even a can of whipped cream.  I decided I had better uses for that than topping the pancakes with it.

“What?  No eggs?” I asked as I ripped off a piece of pancake, tracing Eren’s lips with my fingertip before popping it into his mouth.  He chewed and swallowed the piece before giving me a look that told me I was about to be kicked out of bed if I wasn’t careful.

“No eggs.  I hate eggs.”


End file.
